i feel so selfish. so consumed by what i can consume. so enriched by my riches. so infatuated with who i've dated, what i've hated, what state i've made it in. And this, stating all of this-how i feel, is just another selfish deal.
the deal that ive been dealt an amazing hand, foot, head, it was all included. a platinum platter that will likely never shatter. and yet, i blabber, complain, about what i've yet to gain, how i give back to those in pain, help others regain, and so it just goes in vain. what vanity.
it's vanity that according to me, which happens to be the only record i play these days, everyone else is aimed the blame. it's society that has actually done this to me. you see, in this society, the only side we see is our own. what we own is ours.
the hours we spend spending money and time, is mine and never, never Thine. we continue to mine for the gold simply to let that old dream unfold, to get a hold of the American mold for success, sucks for the rest, but i find rest. i mean even the great fall was not my fault at all. which makes this sin that i'm in, the fault of those men. my selfishness is not even mine to confess. well, i do jest.
but no jester can just let this all fester. just let the mess of flesh, of my selfishness become the nest for my pain? so lame. and if we're being honest- my greatest fear, that brings a flood of tears, that tears away my pride and makes me want to hide and abide only in the hope that this fear will disappear with Truth. this fear that makes me want to remove my own flesh in order to make the me that i hate less- is the fear that my selfishness lessens the You that lives in me.
